Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Wande (Guest) on February 11, 2022
I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. 🤯😜
Muslima (Guest) on February 11, 2022
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. 💑🤣
Bernard Oduor (Guest) on February 10, 2022
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses! 🥕🐰👓
Christopher Oloo (Guest) on February 8, 2022
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it. 🦞🍕
Joseph Kiwanga (Guest) on January 29, 2022
Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads! ⚽🧠
Shamsa (Guest) on January 24, 2022
When nothing goes right, go left. ⬅️🧭
Esther Nyambura (Guest) on January 21, 2022
😆 Saving this one!
Betty Kimaro (Guest) on January 15, 2022
😅 I’m still chuckling at this!
Anna Mchome (Guest) on January 14, 2022
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh at you. 🤣📞
Lucy Kimotho (Guest) on January 10, 2022
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode. ⚡😴
Robert Okello (Guest) on January 8, 2022
😄 You got me good!
Halima (Guest) on January 1, 2022
I have a speed limit of 30 minutes per hour. 🐢⏳
Amina (Guest) on December 18, 2021
Haha, this joke is a keeper! 📌
Omari (Guest) on December 6, 2021
If you can't remember my name, just say 'chocolate' and I'll turn around. 🍫🙋♀️
Agnes Lowassa (Guest) on November 28, 2021
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card! 🐃💳
Sarah Mbise (Guest) on November 24, 2021
Don’t give up on your dreams, keep sleeping! 😴💤
Mercy Atieno (Guest) on November 18, 2021
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing! 🚦🚗
Elizabeth Malima (Guest) on November 13, 2021
I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. 🧠🤯
Masika (Guest) on November 11, 2021
I’ve found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money to buy the ingredients? 💸😆
Philip Nyaga (Guest) on November 8, 2021
I’ve started using my kids as weights. That counts as working out, right? 🏋️♂️👶
Edward Lowassa (Guest) on November 8, 2021
Why do they call it 'beauty sleep' when you wake up looking like a troll? 😴👹
Lucy Kimotho (Guest) on October 28, 2021
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick! 🪃🌿
Nancy Komba (Guest) on October 28, 2021
🤣 Brilliant joke!
James Kawawa (Guest) on October 23, 2021
This is pure comedy gold! 😄
Mzee (Guest) on October 23, 2021
Wow, these jokes are pure gold! 💰
Peter Mbise (Guest) on October 22, 2021
I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing. 😎👩💼
Mwanais (Guest) on October 21, 2021
Why did the clock go to therapy? It had too many issues with time! 🕰️🛋️
Robert Okello (Guest) on October 8, 2021
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s seven years in a row now. 🏋️♂️😆
Lydia Mzindakaya (Guest) on September 18, 2021
I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. 🤕🏠
Mwafirika (Guest) on September 17, 2021
Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales! 🐟⚖️
Joseph Kitine (Guest) on September 17, 2021
😂 I’m saving this one!
Monica Adhiambo (Guest) on September 11, 2021
I want to be like a caterpillar: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and wake up beautiful. 🦋🍴
Nicholas Wanjohi (Guest) on August 24, 2021
I’m definitely sharing this with my friends! 😆
Mercy Atieno (Guest) on August 20, 2021
How do you know the ocean is friendly? It waves! 🌊👋
Stephen Kangethe (Guest) on August 17, 2021
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut! 🐿️🌰
Josephine (Guest) on August 3, 2021
Classic! I’m still laughing! 😄
Warda (Guest) on August 2, 2021
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk! 🪰🚶♂️
Khadija (Guest) on July 24, 2021
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! 🐻🍬
Fadhili (Guest) on July 17, 2021
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 🪂🤣
Josephine Nekesa (Guest) on July 6, 2021
What kind of dog can tell time? A watch dog! 🐕⏰
Carol Nyakio (Guest) on July 4, 2021
I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas. 💡😎
Arifa (Guest) on June 24, 2021
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. 📚😆
Makame (Guest) on June 24, 2021
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. 😡🛌
Mgeni (Guest) on June 11, 2021
I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days. 🗓️🍔
Edwin Ndambuki (Guest) on May 27, 2021
Is it just me or is 'running errands' starting to count as going out now? 🛒😂
Peter Otieno (Guest) on May 24, 2021
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. 🕒✈️
Lydia Wanyama (Guest) on May 9, 2021
😆 Can’t stop laughing!
Maulid (Guest) on May 7, 2021
I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words. 👊💬
Catherine Naliaka (Guest) on May 5, 2021
Why don’t lobsters ever share? They’re too shellfish! 🦞🙅♂️
Michael Onyango (Guest) on April 30, 2021
🤣 Sharing this right now!
Fikiri (Guest) on April 18, 2021
Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost all its contacts! 📱👓
Sharon Kibiru (Guest) on April 14, 2021
😃 Mood instantly lifted!
Agnes Lowassa (Guest) on April 10, 2021
What’s the hardest part about skydiving? The ground! 🪂🌍
Philip Nyaga (Guest) on March 21, 2021
Why did the golfer bring a spare pencil? In case he got a hole in one! ⛳✏️
Lucy Kimotho (Guest) on March 20, 2021
I told myself I should stop drinking, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who talks to himself. 🍺😂
Umi (Guest) on March 19, 2021
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. 💀🥋
Lucy Wangui (Guest) on March 16, 2021
😅 I needed that!
Jabir (Guest) on March 14, 2021
I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need coffee. ☕📖
Janet Wambura (Guest) on March 11, 2021
I'm on the 'I-just-ate' diet. It's working perfectly. 🍕💪
Jabir (Guest) on March 9, 2021
Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice! 🍊🔋